you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
