You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
