I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
