My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
