In the future we'll all be gay
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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