I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
