im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
