yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
