I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
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