we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
