i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We have started to decorate penises.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
