somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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