So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
