I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
