I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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