We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
