he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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