God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
