hotel room ftw
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
