She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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