I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
