He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
