Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
