all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
this is an emotional support booty call
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
