apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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