The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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