Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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