At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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