So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
