I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
