I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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