omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
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