I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You took a bar mat shot.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
