Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
