Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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