So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize