Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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