I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize