What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
