After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
