READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
