I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
