my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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