I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
