Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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