Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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