If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
