Well douche your snatch and let's go!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
