We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Sorry about my life...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
