he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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