I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
