This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
