Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
