My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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