and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
