If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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