we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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