dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
