real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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