Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
