i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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