ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Couch. On fire.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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