She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
