worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
