Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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